Can I give you some advice? It is perhaps one of the greatest bullshit rhetorical questions there is. When someone asks you that question, their advice is going to follow. Taking away the line used by movie villains in their first on-screen meeting with the protagonist, the advice you give or get when it comes to matters you consider vital to the head and the heart is minuscule. In fact, it is damn near irrelevant.
I think I overthink things. In my first post here I shared what was on my mind regarding making decisions. I postulated that my mind was already decided before I went through any amount of agonizing pondering over something that was important to me. Often times during that process I seek out the opinions of those whom I deem to have opinions worth hearing. I do listen to what they say, and it is folded into the milieu of white noise that is surrounding the problem set before me. Sometimes it is just to hear a different take on the issue, or it could be I enjoy getting the thoughts out of my head and out into the open to see how they sound bounced off someone else. The truth remains that the conclusion rarely comes down to what someone else’s input is. We are all selfish by human nature. Anyone who has independent thought might seek the wisdom of others, but ultimately it is your opinion that weighs the most. The best thing advice can do is perhaps trigger or reinforce a thought in your mind which was already there, helping you further along your course.
Haven’t we all been there: a close friend is in a bind, usually an emotional one…usually involving how they feel about another individual. They confide in you and may even ask what they should do. To you the choice is obvious: the other person does not treat them well, the other person does not like them, you don’t like the person they become when they are around the other. Since outright stating these facts is a risk, we usually dance around it. You try to subtely make them see what is right there in front of them like a 4 year-old searching for the last foam puzzle piece. The truth is that they don’t want to hear the truth. If they are a true friend they value you as a person, but they don’t want to hear what they already know.
Of course as a friend it is one’s duty to tell them anyway. Words are chosen delicately or should be. If you are too blunt your advice could turn into preaching in their eyes and uncountable number of friendships have dissaptated over this kind of dispute. Yet time after time I have watched as people ignore the advice that many are giving them, simply because in their own mind they are compelled, or duped to believe they are compelled, to make that decision.
Before I can judge someone else too harshly on willfully ignoring the facts of the situation, I look to myself. There have been many times I have ignored valuable advice in order to satiate the direction of my mind. It comes to the point where you either have to say that it is inevitable and internalize the situation as to not have to hear that advice anymore or you make the change. There is the small chance that the advice is fallible but you are not going in lockstep with it in the first place, if you do end up choosing that course of action it was of your own mind. Your friend was just giving you their 2 cents.